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幽默英文：你都不理我，那我成狗不理了 
定 价：25 元
9 7 2 8 5 7 9 5 4 4 4 4 6  生活里不能没有笑声，没有笑声的世界该是多么寂寞，只有爱笑的人，生活才能过得更美好。 能讲笑话的人，都是智慧之人。
第一章 极品醉爱
1 Marry Penguin 1 娶企鹅 1 2 That’s Why You Married Me and I Married You 1 原因 2 3 I Don’t Know Her 2 我还不认识她呢 2 4 My Husband 2 我丈夫 3 5 The Poor Husband 3 可怜的丈夫 3 6 You’ve Already Heard It 4 你已经听过了 4 7 Send for the Fire Brigade 4 叫消防队 4 8 Who Is This Speaking 5 你是谁 5 9 Want Her to Go Nuts 5 我要让她发疯 6 10 Domestic Thief 6 家贼 6 11 It Was Too Late 7 为时已晚 7 12 Questions and Answer 8 巧问妙答 8 13 You Don’t Look like an Old Lady At All 9 你看起来一点都不像个 老妇人 9 14 Notes 10 便条 10 15 Who’s in Heaven 10 谁在天堂 11 16 Flatterer 12 马屁精 12 17 Knocked the Door 13 叫门 14 18 Jimmy and Kathy 14 吉米和凯茜 15 19 Give up Smoking 15 戒烟 16 20 It’s Rather Unusual 17 不寻常 17 21 It’s Unnecessary to See God with a Present 18 见上帝没必要带礼物 19 22 Women 20 女人 21 23 The perfect husband 23 完美丈夫 24 24 I Am Not Able to Take Care of Three Wives 26 三个老婆 27 25 Husbands Said 28 丈夫如是说 30 26 What If... 32 要是…… 33 第二章 奇葩囧语 1 Send the Bill to My Father 35 把账单给我父亲 35 2 How about That 35 怎么回事 35 3 I’ve Got the Wrong Room 36 走错了房间 36 4 You’re Facing the Wrong Way 36 你看错方向了 36 5 How Do I Breathe 37 我怎么呼吸 37 6 Protest 37 抗议 37 7 Beat Your Son 38 打你儿子 38 8 I Thought You Were Landing 38 我以为你在降落 38 9 Where Am I 39 我在哪儿 39 10 Pop Home for My Pyjamas 39 拿睡衣 40 11 Keep Feeding 40 继续喂 40 12 Lawyer and Engineer 40 律师与工程师 41 13 I’m a Grandfather 41 我当爷爷了 42 14 A Burglar Can’t Find Me Either 42 贼也找不到我 42 15 Use a Pencil 42 用铅笔 43 16 They Are Directly from America 43 从美国直接带来的 44 17 Why Is She Screaming 44 她为何尖叫 45 18 How Much do You Figure I Owe You 45 付多少钱 45 19 I’ll Go There Myself in A Few Minutes 46 等会儿我自己过去 46 20 Bad News 47 坏消息 47 21 Logic Reasoning 48 逻辑推理 48 22 That Was before I Tried It 48 试前价 49 23 Goldberg 49 戈德堡 50 24 An Unusual Way 50 不同寻常的方式 51 25 Grass Eater 51 吃草的人 52 26 How Did You Know He Was a Bandit 52 你怎么知道他是个强盗 53 27 Isn’t It Quite Clear 53 显而易见 54 28 Americans and Japanese 54 美国人和日本人 54 29 I Can Turn Him off Whenever I Please 55 我可以随意把他给关掉 55 30 Don’t Let Him in 55 别让他进来 56 31 An Englishman and a French Barber 56 英国人和法国理发师 57 32 Who Is Shakespeare 57 莎士比亚是谁 58 33 The Young Archer 59 年轻射手 60 第三章 浪漫满怀 1 A History Teacher 61 一位历史老师 61 2 Where Are the Alps 61 阿尔卑斯山在哪里 62 3 Nearsightedness 62 近视 62 4 What Is a Traitor 62 什么叫叛徒 63 5 I Am Afraid of That Too 63 我也担心这个 63 6 Piano 64 钢琴 64 7 Meeting My Wife 64 等我太太 65 8 Secret for A Long Life 65 长寿秘诀 65 9 Traffic Jam 66 堵车事件 66 10 I Beg Your Pardon 67 请原谅 67 11 Want to Switch Seats 67 换位子 68 12 Which Is Which 68 雌雄难辨 68 13 Gift 69 礼物 69 14 Middle‐aged Woman 70 中年妇女 70 15 Swimming Pool 70 游泳池 71 16 Old Habit 71 老习惯 72 17 Get the Cat Out First 72 先把猫弄出来 73 18 So Am I 73 我也想这样 74 19 Pick Out Your Husband 74 领回你丈夫 75 20 Early Precaution 75 未雨绸缪 76 21 Strip Off and Streak 76 裸奔 77 22 Canadian Winter 77 加拿大的冬天 78 23 Dropped a Piece of Candy 78 掉了一块糖 79 24 The Secret 80 秘诀 80 25 False Advertising 81 误导广告 82 26 Expectant Fathers 82 准爸爸们 83 27 Not Here 84 不在这里 85 28 Man in the Closet 86 橱子里的男人 87 第四章 飓疯校园 1 The Plural 89 复数形式 89 2 The Difference 89 区别 90 3 The Correct Answer 90 正确答案 90 4 The Lighting 90 闪电 90 5 Does the Question Beat You 91 问题难住你了吗 91 6 Make Mistakes Repeatdly 91 屡次犯错 91 7 An Essential Correction 92 实质性的纠正 92 8 Great Event 92 大事件 92 9 A Physics Exam 93 物理考试 93 10 The Motto 93 座右铭 94 11 The Longest And The Shortest 94 最长和最短 94 12 The Earth’s Shape 94 地球的形状 95 13 Can’t Go 95 不能去 95 14 Make‐up 95 化妆 96 15 What’s the Biggest in the World 96 世界上什么最大 96 16 A Physics Exam 96 物理考试 97 17 The Answer 97 答案 97 18 You Are Stupid 98 你太愚蠢了 98 19 Nest and Hair 98 鸟窝与头发 99 20 Your Coat Is on Fire 99 您的大衣着火了 100 21 Alexander the Great 100 亚历山大大帝 100 22 Rough Draft and Final Draft 100 草稿和终稿 101 23 Go to Church and Go Fishing 101 做礼拜和钓鱼 102 24 How Much for a Season Pass？ 102 办一个季度通行证要多少钱 103 25 An Imaginary Line 103 假想线 104 26 Brother in South America 104 南美洲的哥哥 104 27 Evils of Liquor 105 酒的危害 105 28 Mimic 106 学舌 107 29 I Am the Goalie 107 我是守门员! 108 30 Cut Again 109 再切一次 110 第五章 百结家事 1 Millionaire 111 百万富翁 111 2 I’m Not Inquistive 111 我不爱刨根问底 111 3 That’s the One I Didn’t Touch 112 那块就是我没碰过的 112 4 Just Sew the Buttonhole 112 只缝上了扣眼儿 112 5 Gives In 113 让步 113 6 I Didn’t Notice It 113 我没看到它 113 7 Apples and Oranges 113 苹果和桔子 114 8 Rest Your Eyes 114 让眼睛休息一下 114 9 Lost Weight 114 减肥 15 10 You Are Afraid of Mamma 115 就怕妈妈 116 11 Boy 116 男孩 117 12 The Same Service 117 同样的服务 117 13 The Will 118 遗嘱 118 14 Try the Hat 119 试帽子 119 15 New Suit 120 新套装 120 16 Why Are Some Hairs White 121 为什么有白头发 121 17 A Naked Man 122 裸男 122 18 The Consciousness of Safety 123 安全意识 123 19 Keeping Up with Joneses 124 与人攀比 124 20 The Missing Husband 125 失踪的丈夫 126 21 Spaghetti 126 意大利面 127 22 The Logic of the Scholar 128 学者的逻辑 128 23 Have His Cap Back 129 让帽子回来 130 24 A Theology Scholar 130 神学学者 131 25 Nothing to Help 131 帮倒忙 132 26 The Bad Day 133 糟糕的一天 134 27 Twins 134 双胞胎 135 28 Letter from Mother 136 妈妈的来信 137 29 I’ve Got the Airbag! 138 我有气袋 139 30 Still a Bum 140 仍是个混混 141 第六章 种瓜得豆 1 What Does Mr Johnson Want to Borrow 143 约翰逊先生想借什么 143 2 I Could Do It Slower 143 我可以干得慢一些 144 3 What Room I’m in 144 我在哪个房间 144 4 A Big Surprise 144 大吃一惊 145 5 Pictures for Children 145 儿童画 145 6 Two Drunks 145 两个酒鬼 146 7 The Strongest Man 146 最强壮的人 146 8 Take Me to London 146 带我去伦敦 147 9 Running Out of Time 147 时间不多了 147 10 The Mean Man’s Party 148 吝啬鬼请客 148 11 Coup 148 妙招 149 12 Pushed the Wrong Button 149 按错了按钮 149 13 Apple Tree 150 苹果树 150 14 Three Men in a Boat 150 三人同舟 151 15 Placing Stamps on a Letter 151 给信封贴邮票 152 16 Self‐assertion 152 自作多情 153 17 Wrong Place 153 放错地方了 154 18 Six Months to Live 155 最后六个月的时光 155 19 Diet at Lunchtime 156 午餐节食 156 20 The Man and the chair 157 布朗先生 158 21 Bureaucrat 158 当官的 159 22 Compulsion 160 强迫症 161 23 Two Smart Blind Men 162 两个聪的盲人 163
第一章 极品醉爱
1Marry Penguin A bachelor asked the computer to find himthe perfect mate.“Iwant a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports and enjoysgroup activities. ” Back came the answer,“Marry penguin. ” 娶企鹅 一个单身汉想在电脑上找一个完美伴侣。“我要找一个娇小可爱、喜欢水上运动和集体活动的伴侣。” 回答是：“娶企鹅。” 2Reason The couple I know were discussing theirwallpaper, which had just been hung. William was annoyed at Mary’s indifference to what he felt was apoor job.“Theproblem is that I’ma perfectionist and you’renot. ”hefinally said to her. “Exactly! ”she replied,“That’s why you married me and I married you! ” 原因 我认识的一对夫妻正在讨论刚刚挂上的壁纸。威廉觉得壁纸挂得不好，玛丽却漠不关心，威尔对此感到气恼。“问题就是我是个完美主义者，而你不是。”他最后对她说。 “说得对！”她答道，“这就是你娶了我，我嫁给你的原因！” 3I Don’tKnow Her A couple walking in the park noticed ayoung man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. “Why don’t you do that？ ”said the wife. “Honey, ”replied her husband,“I don’t even know that woman! ” 我还不认识她呢 一对夫妇在公园里散步，发现一对年轻的男女坐在一条长凳上，动情地接吻。 “你为什么不那么做呢？”妻子说。 “亲爱的，”丈夫回答说，“我还不认识那个女人呢！” 4My Husband She left him on the sofa when the phonerang, and was back in a few seconds. “Who was it？ ”he asked. “My husband. ”she replied. “I better be going. ”he said,“Where was he？ ” “Relax. He’s downtown playing poker with you. ” 我丈夫 电话铃响时，她留他一个人坐在沙发上，不一会儿又回到了他身边。 “是谁？”他问。 “我的丈夫。”她答道。 “我最好还是走吧。”他说，“他在哪里？” “放松，他正在闹市区和你打扑克呢。” 5The Poor Husband “You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with mywife. ”theman complained to his friend,“Sheasks me a question,then answers it herself, and after that she explains to mefor half an hour why my answer is wrong. ” 可怜的丈夫 “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道有多么难。”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。” 6You’ve AlreadyHeard It Arriving at home, I was about to show myhusband my newly done hair. Hearingmy footsteps, he called out,“I’m going to tell you a joke that’s going to make your hair curl. ” He turned around, took a look at me andadded,“Oh,you’ve already heard it. ” 你已经听过了 回到家，我打算给丈夫看我新做的头发。听到我的脚步声，丈夫喊道：“给你讲个笑话，它会让你笑得头发卷起来。” 他转过身，看了我一眼，补充道：“哦，原来你已经听过了。” 7Send for the Fire Brigade One’s wife could not read thethermometer, but she took her husband’s temperature with it and gave a callto the doctor,“Dear doctor, please come at once. My husband’s temperature is 53. ” The doctor replied,“Dear madam, I can do nothing. Sendfor the fire brigade. ” 叫消防队 一个人的妻子不会看体温计。她用体温计给丈夫量过体温后，给医生打了个电话：“尊敬的医生，请马上来吧。我丈夫的体温到了五十三度。” 医生回答说：“亲爱的夫人，我无能为力，快去叫消防队吧。” 8Who Is This Speaking She answered the phone to hear a repentantvoice.“I’m sorry,darling, ”he said,“I have thought things over and youcan have the Rolls‐Royce as a wedding present, we will move to the Gold Coast,and yourmother can stay with us. Now will you marry me？ ” “Of course I will. ”she said,“And who is this speaking？ ” 你是谁 她接电话时听到一个忏悔的声音说：“对不起，亲爱的，我已经想过了，你可以拥有劳斯莱斯作为结婚礼物，我们将搬到黄金海岸，你母亲可以和我们一块儿住。现在你愿意嫁给我吗？” “我当然愿意，”她说，“可你是谁呀？ 9Want Her to Go Nuts Mrs. Henry decided to have her portraitpainted.She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, adiamond necklace, emerald bracelets anda ruby pendant.” “But you’re not wearing any of those things.” “I know,”said Mrs. Henry,“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he’d remarry right away, and I want herto go nuts looking for the jewelry.” 我要让她发疯 亨利夫人想让人给她画幅肖像画。她告诉那位画家说：“把我画成戴着钻石耳环、钻石项链、祖母绿手镯还有红宝石垂饰的样子。” “可这些东西您一样也没戴啊。” “我知道，”亨利夫人说，“我是想着万一我比我丈夫先死去，他肯定会很快再婚。我要让那个女人为寻找这些珠宝而发疯。” ……
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